


I pick my poison and it's you

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Stockholm Syndrome, Unhealthy Relationships, let's just say it's fucked up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-10 21:36:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7861984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Tom have been together for four years, everything was perfect between them; until suddenly it wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I pick my poison and it's you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sp0ratixal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sp0ratixal/gifts).



The first time it happened, Harry believe it was an accident. There was no way Tom would have hit him. He never had in the first four years of their relationship. So it had to be an accident. He meant to punch the wall beside him, Harry was sure of it.

Harry skillfully hid the bruises and lied to his friends.

But it continued. Harry's heart broke a little, knowing that maybe it wasn't as accidental as he had first thought. Harry thought that maybe he deserved it, because he always provoked Tom with his words, somehow. In the past, Tom would only glare or offer a scathing remark. He could always reign in his temper. What had changed?

One thing was for sure, Harry couldn't give up on Tom, he wouldn't. He knew things could revert back to the way that they were.

-

It was Friday afternoon. Harry had just gotten off of work at his desk job and came home to relax in the flat that he and Tom had shared for the past two years. Tom was always late coming home, because he threw himself into whatever task he was given day to day and he was very passionate, a downright perfectionist with everything that he did. Harry supposed that was one reason he was initially drawn to him, Tom's determination and ambition. Nothing he did was half-assed. He gave his all in everything that he did. Harry could admire that. Tom looked so fierce when he was consumed with the desire to take on challenges and difficult tasks.

Tom also looked very fierce when he had Harry pinned against the wall the way he did now, but not in the good way. The dark expression on his face was one that made Harry's stomach drop. His lip was curled in a scowl. His hands tightened their vice like grip on Harry's wrists in a way that would surely cause bruises later.

"Tom, you're hurting me. Just tell me what I've done so I can fix it," Harry said, pleading. 

"You can't. I've heard about you, flirting with your friends sister. Why would you do something like that behind my back?" Tom snarled.

"Ginny? She's just a friend, I swear. We only spend time together to talk about sports, it's not a big deal. She's like a sister to me in the same way that Hermione is." Harry blinked owlishly at Tom. That's what had him so riled up? Harry almost wanted to laugh, if Tom wasn't looking at him so hatefully.

"Then why is there a photo of you two holding hands?" Tom hissed, looking very much like a bristling cat.

"I..I was just helping her up. She tripped while we were walking." Harry bit his lip. It was the truth, but Tom probably wouldn't believe it. It used to be endearing, but now, it was just so extreme.

"A likely story. I still remember when she tried to come onto you back in school." Tom's expression grew cold.

"She's dating Dean Thomas. Trust me, she's not into me like that. The only one I've ever had serious feelings for is you, Tom! Please, listen to me. I wouldn't lie to you. I love you, Tom." Harry pleaded, trying to pull his wrists back. Tom's hold didn't loosen.

"Prove it." Tom let go of his wrists, finally, but his baleful expression didn't change.

"Okay. How?" Harry rubbed his sore wrists carefully. They were red, the shape of a hand on either one. It definitely would be bruised later.

"Cut off all contact with her," Tom said.

"What? I can't do that. She's my best mates sister, there's no way to avoid her, even if I did try." Harry looked at Tom, shaking his head.

"Then don't hang around Weasley so much, then. He's a useless fool anyway. The only way he's surviving in this world is by leeching off of Granger," Tom said disdainfully.

"I.. Please don't talk about my friends like that. They're all I have aside from you." Harry went to put a hand on Tom's arm, but Tom batted it away.

Tom leaned in close, caging Harry against the wall with his arms.

"Shouldn't I be enough for you? You should know they're merely using you. Weasley wants you around to gain popularity from association. Granger only follows Weasley's example. You are nothing to them. Just a tool to get what they want." Tom whispered in his ear.

"No.. That's a lie." Harry protested weakly.

Tom drew back, looming over him in the way that he did when he was very angry. His stormy grey eyes were narrowed. Harry shivered.

"You're calling me a liar? I'm only trying to look out for you, and this is what I get." Tom spat, rearing back.

"You accused me of lying earlier. Don't be a hypocrite," Harry retorted with a small amount of bravery.

The next thing Harry knew his head was ringing and his mouth tasted of blood. The punch Tom had sent his way sent his head crashing back against the wall, and his fist hit him square in the mouth. Harry tried not to look as hurt as he felt, but he knew he was failing. He averted his eyes.

Tom inhaled sharply before him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. He always did this after hurting Harry, and it made him wonder if Tom actually regretted it. If he didn't actually mean to do it and just reacted thoughtlessly like Harry had back in his school days when he was angry with someone. Harry leaned into the touch and Tom stroked his hair.

"I'm sorry, Harry. You know I have a wicked temper. I just want to protect you and keep you all to myself, that's all." Tom rested his chin on Harry's head.

"It's okay. I believe you. Can we, you know..? I want to prove how loyal I am to you." Harry nuzzled his face into Tom's neck.

"Of course, Harry." Tom smiled and lead him to the bedroom by linking their hands together.

He was so gentle and sweet after that, that Harry forgot all about the pain Tom had inflicted upon him.

-

"Harry, what happened to your lip?" Hermione asked when they met up on Friday.

Harry's tongue darted out to trace the almost healed wound. 

"It's nothing, I was just moving some stuff around and hit myself in the face." Harry tried to dismiss it.

"Mhmm.. Did you get into a fight? You can be honest, Harry, I won't judge you." Hermione reassured him.

"In a sense, yes. I provoked someone the other day, but it's been dealt with." Harry rubbed the side of his face.

Hermione's sharp eyes instantly noticed his wrists, too. She gasped.

"Harry. Who did this to you? You should file a report against them for assault. That's just not okay. Why haven't you done anything about it?" Her warm brown eyes were soft with concern.

"I can't. It doesn't matter, it's over and it won't happen again." Harry shook his head.

"Why won't you tell me who it was?" Hermione pushed.

"Because it doesn't matter and I would rather not have anyone else retaliate for me," Harry said.

"All right.. But if this person does it again, you have to do something. They shouldn't be allowed to get away with such a crime." Hermione patted his shoulder.

They drank their tea and chatted about lighter topics after that.

Hermione was none the wiser of his situation, and he would like to keep it that way.

-

Weeks had passed before Tom got into one of his moods again. Harry was careful not to upset him. He wanted their peace to last, but he wanted to help Tom, to make him relax.

Tom sat on the couch, reviewing his own paperwork and looking very stiff. Harry hummed, going to the kitchen and making a cup of tea for him. Strong without sugar or cream, just how Tom liked it. He gently sat the teacup down on the table in front of Tom. 

"Are you all right? You seem pretty tense. I can massage your shoulders, if you like. You said it helped last time." Harry offered kindly, standing in front of Tom with a small smile.

"I don't need your help. It's extremely irritating when you're hovering about like this," Tom snapped.

"Oh. I just, I thought maybe I could do something to make you feel better. I hate seeing you all worked up like this. It's distressing, Tom. You're usually so..so, composed and careful. You haven't been like this ever since you left the orphanage. Is something bothering you? Did I do something?" Harry took Tom's hands in his, the way Tom used to do to him when he was upset.

Tom's eyes flashed as he drew his hands back, and Harry knew instantly that he had fucked up. He had fucked up so badly. He had mentioned the orphanage, knowing how much the place had affected Tom. How he was mistreated and ostracized. Harry opened his mouth to apologize, but Tom had all ready gotten up from his spot on the couch. Harry took a step backwards.

"Oh, yes, you're so helpful, love. How can I ever repay you?" Tom's anger was masked, only showing in his eyes. His lips were pulled up into a smirk. It was all wrong.

"Tom. You know I didn't mean to bring that up. That was tactless of me. Please, don't do this." Harry watched in anxious curiosity as Tom picked up the steaming tea.

Tom promptly dumped it over Harry's head. It was still very hot, as it was freshly brewed. Harry cried out as it dripped down his face, stinging and burning at his skin. He tried frantically to wipe it off.

Then there was the sound of porcelain shattering. Tom had thrown his teacup against the wall. Harry stared in disbelief, he was shaking due to the shock of it all.

"That..that was my mothers cup. Why? Why are you doing this to me, Tom?" Harry's throat tightened uncomfortably as he was flooded with emotion. 

"Harry," Tom said softly, turning back to him and caressing his cheek.

Harry tried not to flinch, meeting Tom's eyes. Tom's silver eyes with specks of pale blue, always so intense with emotion. Those eyes that used to light up when he bumped into Harry back in their school days, the way they shone with elation the first time that Harry told him he loved him, the adulatory look in them when his eyes roamed over Harry's body. He could get lost in the beauty of them, forgetting everything that had just happened. 

"Trust me, I didn't want to hurt you. I hadn't intended on it. I'm so sorry, Harry. You know that I love you," Tom told him in a hushed tone.

Harry flung himself at Tom, arms encircling the taller males neck. He sobbed into the crook of Tom's neck. Tom shushed him, arms encircling Harry's waist and rubbing soothing circles on Harry's back. He kissed him tenderly after Harry finally stopped crying.

"Let me make it up to you. I can fix your teacup, some super glue will do. Although it would only be good for decoration. To top it off, I'll take you out on a real date next weekend, the kind we always used to go on before our careers took over our lives. What do you say?" Tom offered.

Harry raised his head to look at Tom. He seemed so sincere. His eyes weren't cold or guarded like they had been earlier. His hopeful smile was dazzling and Harry immediately fell back under his spell.

"Yes, I would very much like that, Tom." Harry leaned in for another kiss.

It was so easy to ignore what Tom had done.

-

Harry was excited all week. He couldn't keep the bubbly smile off of his face. He was going on a date with Tom this weekend. And they hadn't fallen out since the tea incident, so that was good. Tom had booked them a reservation at a nice restaurant in the more posh part of town, set for Friday evening.

Unfortunately, when Friday came around Harry had more cases to go over than he had expected. If he rushed through it, he could probably get out on time. But every different assignment became more complex and it took more time to work them out. By the time he had finished it all, he checked his watch and frowned unhappily. He was supposed to go to the restaurant with Tom at six, and it was all ready seven. Maybe they could get a receipt or convince the manager to allow them to come late.

Harry sighed dejectedly and made his way home. When he came back to the flat, the lights were all off. Had Tom left? Maybe he went to the restaurant without him, so he didn't waste his reservation. Harry wouldn't blame him if he did. He nearly jumped in surprise when he felt hot breath on the back of his neck.

"Tom?" Harry hoped it was Tom, and not some stranger in their flat. He could defend himself, of course, but he wasn't quite prepared for anything so drastic.

"I hope you have a good reason for being late, Harry dearest," Tom maneuvered Harry around to face him. 

Harry could tell from his body language that Tom was displeased. Of course he would be, Harry would have been upset too had Tom been late and missed their date. Especially when Tom had likely pulled many strings to get them into such a place. He fidgeted with his hands.

"I know it's really not a good excuse, but I honestly lost track of time. There were so many things that demanded my attention, and Shacklebolt would flay me alive if I didn't finish them." Harry wanted to kiss the grimace off of Tom's tempting mouth.

"And you think I won't? Harry, do you not care about our relationship?" Tom's eyes bore into his.

Harry felt guilty and sad that Tom would even think to ask such a question. 

"I do care, Tom! I would never have abandoned you like that on purpose. You're the silver lining in my life." Harry gripped the front of Tom's shirt. 

"Yet you never prove it." Tom sneered and shoved him into the wall.

Oh no. Not again. Anything but this. They were doing so good. Why did Harry have to go and ruin everything?

"Tom. I love you. I hate to upset you, that was never my intention. We can talk this out like civil adults." Harry tried to placate him.

Unfortunately, his words seemed to have the opposite affect on Tom. His eyes widened and his pupils dilated. The expression on his face made him look downright deranged. 

Something occured to Harry. Something that would explain everything. It all made so much sense. 

"You haven't been taking your medicine, have you?" Harry asked, concern and fear lacing his voice.

Tom was diagnosed with mild psychopathy and bipolar disorder when he was young. He had been taking medicines before Harry had even met him, and they never talked about it because it never seemed like an issue. It would explain his sudden increase in aggressive behavior.

"I don't need it. I've been doing just fine these past few years," Tom replied defensively.

"Only because you've been on it! Tom, you can't just quite things like Lithium! It'll fuck you up. Shit, it all ready has. You need to talk to your psychiatrist about this." Harry hated that he hadn't noticed before, he could have somehow prevented this. 

"Stop! Don't you dare look down on me, Harry Potter. You're just as fucked up as I am, haven't you noticed? You keep crawling back to me even when I continuously hurt you. I think you're a masochist. Tell me, which one of us is the pathetic one here?" Tom's voice rose with every word. He was definitely losing his self-control. 

"I only put up with it because it's you! If it were anyone else I would put up a fight, I would leave. Yet I can't, I don't want to give up on you. You know me better than anyone else, and I..I knew you. Maybe I am pathetic, but I'm not leaving. You can't get rid of me. You can do anything; manipulate me, hurt me, break me, use me. I'm yours, for now and forever." Harry stared at Tom, jaw set and emerald eyes burning with determination.

"You are a fool." Tom inched closer to him, until there was hardly any space between them. His hands reached to lock around Harry's neck, fingers tightening and restricting his airway.

"But I'm your fool," Harry spoke using the last of his breath, smiling weakly.

"Yes, I suppose you are," Tom stated.

That was the last thing Harry heard before the world slipped away from him and he lost consciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what made me decide to write such a warped story. This is Tomarry we're talking about, so it's not exactly unfitting. 
> 
> Feel free to interpret the ending however you like. Although, I didn't kill Harry off. If you want, you can imagine that though.


End file.
